World Cuppers At The Olympics

Sure, we know that professional footballers are great athletes. But would they stack up well competing at the Olympics in other disciplines? This correspondent has put together a dream group of footballers at this World Cup who are sure to excel in another sport at the Olympics if given the chance. And this multitalented bunch of footballing superstars is:

1) Diving- Marc van Bommel (Holland)- The Sinking Dutchman has impressed many over the years with his ability to go down under the softest of challenges in a graceful, artistic manner. He proved his calibre at the very start of the tournament, when he went down in a first round match in a fabulous flowing motion, showing that he is truly peerless when it comes to this footballing art. In the process, van Bommel became the first footballer since current German coach Juergen Klinsmann to achieve a perfect score in diving. He is also among the frontrunners for the upcoming Klinsmann Award in Diving Excellence (more on that tomorrow). He is now clearly a frontrunner for the Olympics! Alexandre Despatie, watch your back, for MvB is coming up right behind you!

2) Synchronised Swimming- entire Ghanaian defence- Against Brazil, all the members of the Ghanaian backline appeared to be working in perfect unison as they successfully messed up their offside trap on no less than four different occasions, three of which resulted in Brazilian goals. They also seemed magically capable of ignoring the very same Brazilian players time after time, without even having to communicate the message to the other Ghanaians around to do the same. We can be certain that with their heightened ability to communicate through ESP, they are sureshot Gold Medal winners in Synchronised Swimming at the Olympic Games.

3) Boxing- Adriano (Brazil)- Not quite at this World Cup, but we saw Adriano try his hand at this sport a couple of seasons ago, when, in a match for Internazionale, he attempted a left hand upper cut on an opponent and pulled off the manouevre with flawless technique. What's more, the opponent was nothing more than half-conscious for a few seconds. We are certain that with a little more training, our favourite Brazilian pugilist will be a knockout sensation at Beijing 2008!

4) 400 Metre Sprint- Franck Ribery (France)- This new sensation can claim to be responsible for one of France's moments of the tournament when he ran through on the Spanish goal before rounding 'keeper Iker Casillas and scoring. What was even more amazing, however, was his celebration which involved a lungbursting run all over the football pitch. We suspect he could be game for another variety of the same lap come Beijing...

5) Gymnastics- Francesco Totti (Italy)- Still not quite comfortable enough on his feet following a 4 month injury layoff, the Roma captain showed that he was capable of magic with his back as well in the semifinal against Germany. When Michael Ballack crouched, Totti gracefully leapt into the air, and managed a delightful little roll over the German skipper's back using his own. We figure that if he can do so well using a human back, he is capable of much more with proper gymnastics equipment,

6) Archery- Frank Lampard (England)- Well, we figure eventually he's got to manage to get something on target, so...

7) Exhibition Event (Karate Skills)- Luis Figo (Portugal)- In a match against Holland, the Portuguese skipper headbutted an opponent with seemingly incredible force that caused the player to crumple to the ground in agony. Surely Figo could also do that to a few wooden planks and bricks, right? Well, there is a slight possibility there may not have been as much force in the move as the opponent made it out to be. After all, the player headbutted was Marc van Bommel...


Elsewhere, retired Brazilian legends Pele and Socrates decided to come out of retirement and play again for a country that sorely disapponted at this year's World Cup. In the words of the otherwise diplomatic Socrates, "Our grandmas could play better than these pieces of s***. Plus, so many older players are doing well nowadays like Zidane. Maybe we could also manage fine." Not to be outdone, a relative of the late footballing legend Garrincha said that Garrincha's spirit would also come and play for Brazil, and he offered a similar explanation to Socrates'.

In other sports, the Wimbledon Championships are coming to an end this weekend, and Roger Federer faces off against the player who has a jinx on him, Spaniard Rafael Nadal. Although this is the pair's first encounter on grass, Federer's domain, the Swiss World Number One is not willing to take any chances, given his opponent's seemingly unshakable ability to beat Federer. The reigning Wimbledon champ said, "I will ask my friend Juliette to pay him a 'visit' before the match." (For more information about Juliette, please click here)
McLaren driver Kimi Raikkonen later expressed interest in having Juliette pay a similar 'visit' to Juan Pablo Montoya, Michael Schumacher and Fernando Alonso.

[Yayyyy!!! The World Cup final is here at last!
For those who didn't realise it, wherever there is a link, please understand that you are supposed to CLICK ON IT!!!
And for those who spotted it, I mentioned in the Diving section that my next report would be tomorrow. That's right- after an extensive polling over the last one week, vote tallies showed that there was a majority in favour of posting that needn't be restricted to every Saturday- by a slim majority of half a vote to none. For those who don't know how that works, it is just that the only vote that come was by someone who had misunderstood the voting message, but later clarified the case.
Well, that's it then. Come in tomorrow!]