On The Ball

A series of weekly satirical reports delving into the world of sport. Any resemblance to real life characters or incidents is utterly deliberate, but should not be taken seriously as this blog is merely an attempt to look at the agony and ecstasy of sport in a humorous vein.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

World Cup Fever: WHO Alert



The World Health Organization (WHO) has warned the whole world about a new disease that has swept almost the entire world, called World Cup Fever. Americans are the only ones who needn't worry about this ailment- it only affects people with good taste and common sense.
This highly infectious disease has already been declared a pandemic of epic proportions, and also goes by the codename 'Germany 2006.'
There are many deadly forms of this disease, some more painful than others. The most common ones are listed below:

1) Peter Crouch syndrome- this variation of WCF afflicts tall and lanky people, and causes them to look perpetually dazed and perplexed.
2) Ronaldo fever- also called the 'Statue Syndrome,' this disease causes people to swell up completely, until they reach the point that they have to stand around incapable of any form of motion. This can also lead to hallucinations of headaches and dizziness.
3) Sore Loser Syndrome (SLS)- also termed the 'Henry Syndrome,' this leads to incessant babbling about being affected by hot grass, Russian referees, and people by the name of Ribery. It can also lead to attempts to get rid of people going by the name of Trezeguet.
4) Long Ball disease- caused by the 'Eriksson virus' this ailment is actually considered beneficial as it helped restore sleep to many insomniacs.
5) Ronaldinho Syndrome- doctors believe this disease causes laughing gas (Nitrous oxide) to be formed in the body, hence affecting the patient and causing to laugh uncontrollably throughout the day. Anaesthetics, Catalans and Brazilians are the only people who are positively affected by this syndrome (Anaesthetics don't need laughing gas to operate on such a patient). Others are also affected by this infectious disease that causes people to smile. Defenders, however, tend to suffer heart attacks and suicidal tendencies also arise, on being exposed to this virus.

Many more variations are there, but these are the most prevalent ones. The good news, says a WHO spokesperson, is that WCF will affect the general public only until July 9, after that it will only affect its sources.
In other news, British Prime Minister Tony Blair has announced a historic first. Great Britain has become the first nation to have a National Injury, which is, in this case, The Metatarsal Injury. At the first National Injury Day, the likes of David Beckham, Gary Neville and Wayne Rooney will be honoured for their contributions in making this injury popular.
Elsewhere, after criticism of his decision to allow Japan's goal against Australia at the World Cup after two Japanese players clearly wrestled Australian goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer to the ground, the referee said that he felt the incident paled in comparison to his training in the Egyptian Air Force. 15 minutes later, Mike Tyson, in a bid to find gainful employment and get out of bankruptcy, announced that he felt he had the right experience to be a soccer referee. 15 seconds later, Schwarzer had a minor heart attack. There is no concrete evidence yet that the three incidents are linked in any way.

[As you can make out, I am well and truly caught up in the World Cup fever (I am currently suffering from the Argentina syndrome, also called the '6-0 Shock'). Anyway, just thought I would mention that I am in desperate need of a decent 'logo' for 'On The Ball' because the above one was something I just created using Paint 5 minutes before the first post. If somebody can help me out with a logo similar (and yet infinitely better) to the one above, please do mail me. This is going to be a pretty common request in the weeks to come, so if you can help me...
Have a great week, and enjoy your sports!]

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

continue to work with FDA to ensure the they are writing to teach local families individual mandate, requiring every officer Lowell McAdam.Apple has been on hidden debt and phony earnings

1:38 am  
Blogger Unknown said...

Just out of curiosity, Bozebor... what does this have to do with the post/blog?

5:33 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you should do freelance journalism!!!!

10:32 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Free lance journalism is something u could do just to kill time during the halftime

10:34 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well... the henry thing wasn't funny..henry is NOT someone who'd blame something just for the sake of it.he REALLY must have faced some problem

4:01 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ronaldhinho one was grt!!!
saurav

1:41 am  

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