Lampard To Fight UFOs

In Baden Baden, Germany today, the Struggle against UFO Campaigns and Killings (SUCK) announced that it had signed England and Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard as its latest not-exactly-goodwill ambassador. The organization has as its aim to strive tirelessly to destroy UFOs and alien beings that come to our planet, whatever be the cause of the visit. Most organizations such as the CIA, FBI, MI6, etc are ill-equipped to cope with the threat of UFOs as they don't possess weapons that can reach the elevation of overhead UFOs. SUCK, however, has acquired great proficiency in spotting individuals capable of sending projectiles upto such heights, Lampard being the latest big name signing for the organization.
Lampard has endured a torrid period at the 2006 FIFA World Cup so far, failing to score a single goal inspite of having had the most shots by any player in the tournament. It is estimated that he has had thrice as many shots striking down aeroplanes flying overhead, as those that have gone within even a 3 yard distance of the goalmouth. While Lampard could take solace in the fact that things can't possibly get worse from here, this remarkable statistic has attracted the attention of SUCK officials (referred to as SUCKers), who have spotted the potential of such shooting to bring down alien spaceships.
This could be quite a coup for Lampard, who has joined past greats such as Ade Akinbiyi, David Beckham (he had to be replaced, however, when his disastrous abilities at taking penalties were ended by Lampard who took up the same responsibility) and Eric Djemba-Djemba. There have also been sportspersons from other fields as well, such as Anna Kournikova for her tremendous ability to mishit any shot straight out of the tennis court.
At the press conference where Lampard was officially pronounced a SUCKer, there was a memorable speech by the most powerful of all SUCKers, also known as the Chief SUCKer, Roman Abrahamovich, who coincidentally happens to own Lampard's club Chelsea. Abrahamovich said, "On behalf of all SUCKers in the world, I would like to officially welcome Frank Lampard to the community today. We always knew you were a true SUCKer, and today we have been proved right."

Elsewhere, referee Valentin Ivanov said that he had been watching the Oprah Winfrey show shortly before the match between Portugal and the Netherlands, in which he handed out a mammoth 16 yellow cards and 4 red ones to boot. Apparently this helps explain why Ivanov kept exclaiming during the match, "You get a card! YOU get a card! Everybody gets a card!"


[Hi again!
I find that having weekly posts only serves to ensure that even the ones who enjoyed the blog fail to remember to come back the following Saturday to check up on the blog. Hence, to those who wouldn't mind commenting (doesn't matter if you ain't a Blogspot member, you can still do it anonymously if you wish), please do respond to this post and tell me whether or not I should scratch the whole weekly post thing, and just do something when there is a worthwhile sporting event to write about (and mock, of course!).
And for those who didn't understand the Oprah Winfrey thing, nothing to be ashamed about, it just means you are a natural guy who doesn't watch Oprah. So here's a link to explain it to you.

http://imnotonetoblogbut.blogspot.com/2004/09/everybody-gets-car.html

Ok that's it, after a week I will tally the votes about the weekly thing and let you know in my next post. Thanks a lot!]